I haven't been one-hundred percent honest with myself and others lately. I've been doing my best to act as if things are better than they are. Truth is, things have been worse for me in the past, so I feel a bit guilty for not being able to appreciate that every day.
If it weren't for work and volunteering, I wouldn't get out of bed. I don't have the physical or mental energy. I pour 120% of myself into teaching and grading papers because I can't let the kids down, but there isn't anything left for me. I'm not going to the gym any more. Heck, I've spent entire weekends barely leaving my bed. My life outside work is piling up. I've procrastinated about doing simple things because those simple things just seem so hard right now. I feel like I'm letting people down.
I know part of this is the weather/time of year. It's almost Christmas and almost my birthday. I'm waiting for my father's yearly tantrum and wondering how I'll be able to escape it.
I haven't bought a single Christmas gift. I may just do a last minute stop at a gift card kiosk.
I'm worried about some students. One who has only been in my class a little over a month is being just awful some days. His mom blames everyone but him. We've scheduled conferences with her, but she never shows up. He won't do anything. I've talked, begged, fussed, taken him to principals and counselors, but he just won't try. I'm at my wit's end with this one.
Sorry about the pity party. I just needed to vent.