In reality, I know people out there love me. I have friends, family, my cats. Heck, on a recent teacher workday, I was having lunch at a local restaurant with my coworkers, and when it came time to pay the bill, I found out that one of my students who just happened to be in the restaurant had already paid for my meal. That was the sweetest thing. I never expected it.
So, yes, I know that I am loved, and for the past few months, I've had more positive days than negative. (Thank you, Cymbalta and Synthroid.) However, every now and then the negative thoughts hit, and I can't seem to turn them off. The "they really don't care about me" and the "I really suck" just pop in my head. Sometimes I know the triggers--I'm exhausted and/or hormonal, someone makes a comment, etc. Sometimes I have no idea what makes the insecurity rear its ugly head.
Today is one of those insecure days. I think I keep hearing these things in my head because I am just so, so tired today. Plus, I have a coworker whose own stress is causing tension for the rest of us, and I had to sit through the meeting from Hell after work. I can't wait for Thanksgiving.
{{{{HUGS}}}} Eyre. I know exactly what you're talking about. I have those days too. Just know you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Brenda. I appreciate the comment and support. I know I'll get over this, but it sucks while it's in my head. *hugs*
DeleteI understand a lot of what you are talking about. My case is different but I do let negativity get to me. I have a wonderful caring family but I always point out my flaws and make less of any accomplishment because part of me feels I need to do it before they do. Even though logically I know they never would. Some days it is very difficult not to let these insecurities overwhelm me. It is a struggle to not let the "I Can'ts" take over the "I cans"
ReplyDeleteThough you are also dealing with other peoples tension which never helps a situation. The whole thing sucks but it sounds like you know you will get through it and that is an accomplishment in itself.
Amanda, *hugs* and thanks for the comment. I totally understand about pointing out flaws before others can. It's a protective instinct, isn't it? It's feels like it's less hurtful to deal with pointing out those flaws ourselves than it would be to hear those things coming from someone else. I think that's what makes it so hard for me to get to know new people. I convince myself not to try so that I don't have to feel real rejection if they don't like/accept me.
Delete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteHugs, back. Thanks, hon.
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