Nov 13, 2012
Those Tapes in My Head
Posted by Eyre
In reality, I know people out there love me. I have friends, family, my cats. Heck, on a recent teacher workday, I was having lunch at a local restaurant with my coworkers, and when it came time to pay the bill, I found out that one of my students who just happened to be in the restaurant had already paid for my meal. That was the sweetest thing. I never expected it.
So, yes, I know that I am loved, and for the past few months, I've had more positive days than negative. (Thank you, Cymbalta and Synthroid.) However, every now and then the negative thoughts hit, and I can't seem to turn them off. The "they really don't care about me" and the "I really suck" just pop in my head. Sometimes I know the triggers--I'm exhausted and/or hormonal, someone makes a comment, etc. Sometimes I have no idea what makes the insecurity rear its ugly head.
Today is one of those insecure days. I think I keep hearing these things in my head because I am just so, so tired today. Plus, I have a coworker whose own stress is causing tension for the rest of us, and I had to sit through the meeting from Hell after work. I can't wait for Thanksgiving.